Yesterday we were enjoying a Father’s Day meal, sitting around the table with good people and good energy. The kind of conversation that flows from life updates to pop culture to the joys (and frustrations) of adulting.
Somehow, IKEA came up.
Now, if you know me, you know I don’t love IKEA. So I shared:
“You know, I don’t really like IKEA. I was excited to go there looking for something specific, and when I arrived, they didn’t have it.”
Someone replied, “Did you check online?”
I said, “Yes, it was out of stock.”
Then came the food talk. They brought up the IKEA restaurant, and I added:
“I’ve never eaten there. I’m just not a raving fan of Swedish meatballs.”
At that point, someone said:
“You’re judging.”
I paused. I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to turn a lovely dinner into a debate. But the comment lingered. It made me reflect.
Because no, I wasn’t judging.
I was sharing a personal experience and a preference, not a moral decree.
Judgment vs. Opinion: Yes, There’s a Difference
This isn’t the first time I’ve circled this mountain, so go ahead and say it:
“Oh no, here goes Jewel again talking about words.”
You’re right. I am talking about words again. Because they matter.
They carry weight. They shape relationships. They can open doors or shut people down.
So let’s take a beat and break it down:
| Opinion | Judgment |
|---|---|
| “I don’t like IKEA. It didn’t have what I needed.” | “People who shop at IKEA don’t value quality.” |
| Rooted in experience or preference | Implies a verdict or condemnation |
| Personal, self-focused | Often other-focused and diminishing |
| Leaves room for disagreement | Carries a tone of superiority or finality |
When I said I didn’t like IKEA, I wasn’t implying that you shouldn’t. I wasn’t saying you were wrong for loving the meatballs, the layout, or the minimalist shelves with impossible-to-pronounce names.
I was simply saying:
It didn’t work for me.
That’s not judgment. That’s just me, being honest without being unkind.
Why This Matters So Much to Me
Here’s the thing:
Sometimes, when someone shares a different experience or perspective, we take it personally. Especially when we feel connected to the thing being critiqued.
But as I often say in my coaching work:
People don’t hear what you say. They hear what they fear you meant.
In this case, my words were not an attack; they were a story. A moment. A preference.
Not every “I don’t like it” is a declaration of war.
Sometimes, it’s just,
“I don’t like it.”
The W in W.A.T.C.H. (You Knew It Was Coming)
At Quackenbush Coaching, one of our foundational tools is the acronym W.A.T.C.H.
It stands for:
Words, Actions, Thoughts, Character, and Habits.
And yes, we’re starting with Words for a reason.
Words create worlds.
They define moments.
And when used thoughtfully, they help us build bridges instead of burning them.
Mislabeling someone’s honest expression as “judgment” can shut down vulnerability. And we don’t need less honesty in this world, we need more skill in how we receive it.
Coaching Reflection (and a Loving Nudge)
If someone’s opinion rubs you the wrong way, ask yourself:
“Are they diminishing me or just being true to themselves?”
And if you’re told you’re judging when you know you’re simply sharing, try:
“I hear you. Can I ask what part felt like judgment?”
Because it’s not about winning the conversation.
It’s about staying in it with curiosity, kindness, and clarity.
So yes, here I go again.
Talking about words.
Talking about labels.
Talking about the difference between opinion and judgment.
Because if we can get that right,
We give each other the freedom to be honest without fear of being misunderstood.
And isn’t that the whole point?
#WordsMatter
#JudgmentVsOpinion
#WATCHYourWords
#EmotionalIntelligence
#SpeakWithClarity
#CoachingConversation
#SelfAwareness
#LeadershipDevelopment
#AuthenticCommunication
#QuackenbushCoachingLLC
Quackenbush Coaching LLC 