The Executive Buzzword Series: Emotional Intelligence vs. Emotional Quotient — What’s the Difference? Do You Have It?
by Jewel Quackenbush, MCC — Quackenbush Coaching
There I was, sitting across from a senior leader who couldn’t understand why his team was disengaged.
He had the credentials, the confidence, and the corner office. On paper, he had it all.
But when I asked him how his team felt about his leadership changes, he looked at me blankly.
“Feelings?” he said. “I just need them to perform.”
And that’s when I knew this conversation wasn’t about management, it was about emotional intelligence.
What Emotional Intelligence Really Means
Let’s begin by untangling two terms that often get used interchangeably and incorrectly.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is your ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions — both your own and those of others. It’s awareness in action. It’s the empathy you show when someone’s having a hard day, the patience you hold when a meeting goes sideways, and the calm you bring to chaos.
Emotional Quotient (EQ) is the score that attempts to measure that ability. It’s the number or assessment result that gives us data, but not the whole picture.
If EI is the art of connection, EQ is the report card.
EI is about practice.
EQ is about proof.
And just as IQ can shift and grow over time, your EQ can too with awareness and effort.
The Numbers Don’t Lie, But They Don’t Tell the Whole Story
According to Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, authors of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, emotional intelligence accounts for nearly 58 percent of performance in all types of jobs, and 90 percent of top performers score high in EI.
Harvard Business Review reinforces this, showing that leaders with high EI foster stronger trust, lower turnover, and higher productivity.
Those facts are solid, but here’s the truth: while the numbers don’t lie, they also don’t tell the whole story.
Because emotional intelligence isn’t lived out in a lab, it’s lived in hallways, breakrooms, and boardrooms. It’s in how you speak to the person who challenges you, how you handle pressure, and how you show up when no one’s watching.
So, setting aside the research for a moment, let’s talk about what it looks like in real life.
Real-World Examples
High Emotional Intelligence:
A project manager notices tension building between team members. Instead of ignoring it, she invites everyone into a quick conversation. She listens, reflects what she hears, and says, “I appreciate how much you all care about getting this right.” The energy shifts, and trust returns.
High Emotional Quotient:
An executive who has taken an EQ assessment learns their emotional triggers and sets personal reminders to pause before reacting. They check their tone before sending an email. They ask, “How are you feeling about this?” during meetings. The data gives them direction, but the work gives them growth.
Low Emotional Intelligence:
A manager dismisses feedback, cuts off colleagues mid-sentence, or uses sarcasm under stress. They equate control with composure. Over time, their team stops offering ideas, not because they lack creativity, but because they no longer feel safe.
High EI doesn’t mean being soft. It means being steady. Its leadership is under control.
When the Phrase Gets Misused
“Emotional Intelligence” has become one of those corporate catchphrases that people toss around without context. It’s been overused, misused, and sometimes weaponized.
You’ve probably heard it before:
“She’s smart, but she lacks emotional intelligence.”
Or worse:
“He’s too emotional to lead.”
When used this way, EI becomes a quiet form of exclusion, a way to label someone instead of lead them. It happens often to women, neurodivergent professionals, and anyone whose communication style doesn’t fit the traditional mold.
Let’s be clear. Emotional Intelligence should never be used as a weapon.
It’s not a tool for judgment. It’s a mirror for growth.
True emotional intelligence empowers, it doesn’t embarrass. It builds bridges, not walls. It doesn’t say, “You’re too emotional.” It says, “You’re human, and that’s where leadership begins.”
Vulnerability Is Not Weakness
There’s a myth among some leaders that showing emotion makes them appear weak.
But vulnerability, when expressed with intention, is strength in its highest form.
When a leader admits they don’t have all the answers, or pauses to say, “I missed the mark on that,” it disarms people. It invites trust. It reminds everyone that leadership is human work.
Your team doesn’t need perfection. They need presence.
And here’s something we often overlook: if you lead without emotional intelligence at work, you are very likely doing the same thing at home. It’s documented that most of us spend more time with our colleagues than with our families. The habits we practice in the office follow us into our living rooms.
So if your team sees composure, kindness, and care, your loved ones probably feel it too.
If You Want to Strengthen Yours
Emotional intelligence is a muscle. It grows with practice.
Here are three ways to begin:
- Pause Before You Pounce.
When emotions rise, take a breath. Name what you’re feeling before responding. Awareness always comes before wisdom. - Seek the Mirror, Not the Megaphone.
Ask for honest feedback from someone you trust. Listen without defending. Growth doesn’t come from echo chambers. - Lead with Humanity.
In every meeting, remind yourself that everyone here has a story. Lead with empathy, not ego.
Resources to Help You Grow
If you want to go deeper, these are a few trusted starting points:
- Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
- Podcast: The EQ Edge or WorkLife with Adam Grant
- Video: Travis Bradberry’s TEDx Talk – The Power of Emotional Intelligence
- Course: The Science of Well-Being (Yale University, free on Coursera)
- Practice: Keep an Emotional Audit Journal. At the end of each day, note one emotion you felt strongly, what triggered it, and how you responded.
Let’s Bring It Home
Emotional Intelligence is not about perfection; it’s about presence.
It’s not about hiding your emotions, it’s about understanding them.
It’s not about controlling people, it’s about connecting with them.
A leader with high emotional intelligence doesn’t have to talk about it; you feel it.
You see it in how they listen, pause, and make others feel safe to be themselves.
So the next time someone throws the phrase “emotional intelligence” into a meeting, ask yourself,
Are we using it to label someone, or to lift them?
Because I believe the real measure of emotional intelligence isn’t in your score;
It’s in how people feel after being led by you.
Quackenbush Coaching LLC 