Soul Chemistry

By Jewel Quackenbush MCC

There are people in our lives who do more than accompany us. They regulate us. We breathe differently around them. Our nervous system settles in their presence the way a dog relaxes when the favorite person walks into the room.

I recently came across a short clip with two animated dogs having a surprisingly wise conversation. They were not talking about snacks or tennis balls. They were talking about soul chemistry. The idea that animals, especially dogs, choose their person not because of treats or toys, but because of something much deeper.

When we meet people, our brains, like canine brains, scan for signals of safety. Tone of voice. Body language. Scent. Energy. Micro expressions. The amygdala, our emotional processor, lights up when it senses calm. When someone truly puts our nervous system at ease, a bond forms that is biological in nature.

Heartbeats begin syncing. Breathing patterns align. Stress lowers. Emotional guardrails soften.

It is not clinginess. It is regulation.

And this does not just happen between dogs and humans.

It happens between humans and humans.

Think of the person:

• you would call in the middle of the night

• whose presence drops your blood pressure

• who you do not have to perform for

• whose voice you can recognize in a crowded room

• who makes your body exhale before your mind even catches up

That is soul chemistry.

The Other Side: When Someone Sets Your Nervous System on Fire

Just as there are people who calm us, there are people who ignite anxiety in our bones.

You walk into a room and your stomach tightens.

Your breath shortens.

Your shoulder blades lift.

Your amygdala begins scanning for threat instead of comfort.

This can look like:

• a dismissive manager

• a coworker who is unpredictable

• a partner who is explosive or belittling

• a relative whose presence makes you brace instead of breathe

• a friend who drains you rather than fills you

Sometimes these people do not intend harm. Yet their impact is harm.

Prolonged exposure to emotional stress is measurable. There are medical studies showing that working under an overbearing or psychologically unsafe boss can increase health risks related to blood pressure and heart health. Now apply that same dynamic to:

• a toxic relationship

• a destabilizing household

• a love that feels like walking on glass

• a partnership that erodes the spirit instead of nourishing it

Imagine what that does to your circulatory system.

To your endocrine system.

To your brain’s patterning and wiring.

And imagine the children who grow up absorbing this.

Children whose nervous systems are shaped around emotional volatility.

They do not just remember those experiences.

They become shaped by them.

As a lifelong advocate for emotional self care, I want to say this with love and clarity:

Self care is not candles or spa days or vacations.

Self care is protecting your nervous system.

Self care is noticing whose presence lifts you and whose presence compresses you.

Self care is granting yourself permission to unsubscribe from emotional toxins.

You do not owe anyone access to your peace.

Not if they consistently destabilize it.

The Courage to Choose Safe Souls

If you have someone who calms your spirit, cherish them.

And if you do not, make it a mission to find at least one person in your life you feel safe with. It may be a coach, a therapist, a spiritual guide, a longtime friend, a sibling, a partner, or someone who honors your humanity instead of demanding performance.

Soul chemistry is not sentimental. It is foundational to emotional health and well being.

When someone’s presence brings you peace, your entire body recognizes,

I am safe now.

That is not luck.

That is love meeting neuroscience.

And it is the kind of bond that makes the soul exhale.