What Fickle Leadership Costs Everyone in the Room. At Work and At Home
If you live in Indianapolis, you already know this week has been… disrespectful.
We’ve had sunshine that felt like spring was finally introducing herself, followed by rain that came in sideways, and then snow. Actual snow. In the same day.
At one point, I stood at the window and thought, what exactly are we doing here?
You leave the house in a light jacket, you’re grabbing a coat by lunch, and by dinner you’re questioning your life choices.
It’s unpredictable. It’s inconsistent. And it keeps you on edge because you can’t quite prepare for what’s coming next.
And if we’re being honest… we’ve all experienced something similar, just not with the weather.
Have you ever been around someone where you just never know what you’re going to get?
One moment they’re warm, engaging, even inspiring. The next moment, they’re short, distant, or reactive.
Nothing obvious changed. No clear trigger. Just… a shift.
So what do you do?
You start paying attention to tone. You replay conversations in your head. You adjust how you speak, what you say, when you say it.
Not because you’re trying to be strategic. Because you’re trying to stay safe.
That’s what it feels like to walk on eggshells.
So how does this show up in the workplace? We’ve all seen it. Many of us have lived it.
You have a leader who is brilliant, capable, and well-respected… but inconsistent.
On Monday, they’re collaborative and open. By Wednesday, they’re dismissive. By Friday, they’re unavailable or irritated.
So the team adapts.
Meetings become quieter. Ideas get filtered before they’re shared. People watch body language more than they listen to words.
The middle manager feels it the most.
They’re translating tone, softening messages, trying to protect their team while staying aligned with leadership. It’s exhausting.
And over time, something subtle but costly happens.
Innovation slows down. Trust erodes. Energy shifts from contribution to self-protection.
No one names it directly, but everyone feels it.
And this same dynamic does not clock out when the workday ends.
How does this show up at home? In ways that are often even quieter, and even more impactful.
In a household like this, the emotional temperature is always being monitored.
A spouse may find themselves asking, is this a good time to bring this up?
Children become experts at reading the room.
They listen for footsteps. They watch facial expressions. They adjust their behavior to avoid triggering a reaction.
And here’s the part that matters most.
They don’t just learn how to behave. They learn what relationships feel like.
A home that should feel grounding begins to feel uncertain.
And when a home feels uncertain, everyone carries that instability into the world with them.
Most people are not waking up saying, let me create instability for everyone around me today.
This is often learned.
It’s what was modeled. It’s what was normalized. It’s what we adapted to in order to function.
There can also be a physiological layer.
Stress, burnout, hormonal shifts, nervous system dysregulation… all of these can impact emotional consistency.
And here’s the truth we have to hold with care.
It may be understandable. But it is still impactful.
Hardwired does not mean permanent.
Patterns can be interrupted. Awareness can be built. Change is absolutely possible.
If you’re navigating someone like this, you don’t have to lose yourself in the process.
Start with curiosity instead of confrontation. A simple, grounded question can open more doors than a defensive reaction ever will.
Regulate yourself first. You cannot stabilize someone else’s inconsistency, but you can anchor your own presence. Your nervous system matters too.
Set boundaries without withdrawing. Clarity is not conflict. You can remain respectful and still protect your space.
And remember, not every shift is about you. But repeated patterns do require awareness and, at times, distance.
And if something in this is reflecting back at you, stay with it.
Not from a place of shame. From a place of ownership.
Start with awareness.
Notice when your shifts happen. Notice the early signs. Notice who is impacted when you are not at your best.
Then interrupt the pattern.
Pause before responding. Name what is happening internally. That might sound like, I’m getting angry right now. I’m feeling attacked. I’m feeling confused. I’m overwhelmed.
Bringing language to the moment creates space between the feeling and the reaction.
Then give yourself that space instead of pushing through.
When you have the ability to step away, take it. That may look like, I need a moment before I respond, or I’m going to step away and come back to this conversation. It might mean taking a walk, getting some air, or simply choosing not to engage until you can show up with intention.
And there will be moments when you don’t have that option.
In those moments, take a slow, intentional breath. Let a brief pause or even silence create the space you need.
Then use your words with clarity and ownership.
I’m going to need a moment.
Give me a second to think about that.
You can ask for space even when you can’t physically leave.
You don’t have to respond instantly to be effective. Presence is not speed. It is intention.
You don’t have to be perfect.
But consistency builds trust. And trust is the foundation of every relationship you care about.
This can be corrected. And it starts with you seeing it.
Whether it’s in a boardroom or a living room, people should not have to earn emotional safety.
Leadership is not just about what you say when things are going well. It’s about who you are when things are uncertain.
Here’s my two cents.
Your words, your actions, your thoughts, your character, and your habits shape how others experience you, whether you intend them to or not.
People are always asking, quietly,
Am I safe here?
And your presence answers that question… every single time.