The Masked Brag

Why Fake Humility Turns People Off

I was reading another brilliant piece by Travis Bradberry, the author of Emotional Intelligence, titled 10 Things You Do That Make You Less Likable. One of the behaviors he highlighted was what he called the humble brag. As I read it, I was transported back to an experience I had as the Front Office Director in a hotel.

There I was, running a couple of minutes behind, dashing toward the elevator. As the doors began to close, I caught a glimpse of one of my peers, a fellow director from another department, inside. And I froze. I slowed my pace and let the doors close without me, knowing I’d be late getting to my desk. Why? Because being in that elevator with him for even 30 seconds felt unbearable.

He was not mean, nor was he hostile. He was a masked bragger. Every conversation turned into a performance. Every bit of false humility was really a disguise for self-promotion. He couldn’t help himself, and he couldn’t hear anyone else. People noticed and people avoided him. Me included.

That is the power of the masked brag. It does not pull people toward you; it pushes them away. He thought he was being relatable. What he didn’t know was that his words were so off-putting that people like me rearranged our behavior just to avoid him.

Why People Do It

Masked bragging often springs from a deep need for validation. Some of us fear that if we celebrate ourselves openly, we’ll be judged as arrogant. So instead, we disguise the boast with self-deprecation, hoping others will “see through it” and hand us the compliment. But emotional intelligence tells us this is the opposite of effective. Instead of admiration, people feel manipulation.

At its core, the masked brag comes from insecurity, the need to be seen, paired with the fear of being called out. It’s the verbal equivalent of fishing for compliments. And ironically, it often produces the opposite of what we want.

The Impact on Leadership

Anyone can fall into this—line-level employees, team leads, even C-suite executives. But when a leader does it, the damage is profound. If you are a leader and you lean into this, it is not just a bad habit; it’s a tactic. And it backfires.

• Teams begin to see you as inauthentic.
• Colleagues stop bringing their whole selves forward because they don’t feel heard.
• Trust erodes.
• You become the person people avoid, whether in a meeting, in hallways, or even in elevators.

And once trust is lost, it’s very difficult to rebuild.

Warning Signs You Might Be Masked Bragging

• You downplay accomplishments, secretly hoping someone will contradict you.
• You weave self-promotion into jokes or unrelated stories.
• You “casually mention” personal wins in conversations where it doesn’t belong.

These are red flags that you may be prioritizing attention over genuine connection.

What to Do Instead

• Own your wins. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m proud of this.”
• Give credit. Shine the light on those who helped: your team, a mentor, or a process.
• Check your intent. Before speaking, ask yourself: Am I sharing this to connect or to impress?

Authentic acknowledgment builds trust. Masked bragging erodes it.

A Last Reflection

I hadn’t thought about that colleague for years until I read Travis Bradberry’s article. It brought that memory rushing back and inspired me to share it with you.

Because here’s the truth: Authenticity connects. The Masked Brag repels.

#AuthenticLeadership #EmotionalIntelligence #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipCulture #TrustInLeadership #WorkplaceWellbeing #QuackenbushCoaching #emotionalintelligence