The Masked Brag

Why Fake Humility Turns People Off

I was reading another brilliant piece by Travis Bradberry, the author of Emotional Intelligence, titled 10 Things You Do That Make You Less Likable. One of the behaviors he highlighted was what he called the humble brag. As I read it, I was transported back to an experience I had as the Front Office Director in a hotel.

There I was, running a couple of minutes behind, dashing toward the elevator. As the doors began to close, I caught a glimpse of one of my peers, a fellow director from another department, inside. And I froze. I slowed my pace and let the doors close without me, knowing I’d be late getting to my desk. Why? Because being in that elevator with him for even 30 seconds felt unbearable.

He was not mean, nor was he hostile. He was a masked bragger. Every conversation turned into a performance. Every bit of false humility was really a disguise for self-promotion. He couldn’t help himself, and he couldn’t hear anyone else. People noticed and people avoided him. Me included.

That is the power of the masked brag. It does not pull people toward you; it pushes them away. He thought he was being relatable. What he didn’t know was that his words were so off-putting that people like me rearranged our behavior just to avoid him.

Why People Do It

Masked bragging often springs from a deep need for validation. Some of us fear that if we celebrate ourselves openly, we’ll be judged as arrogant. So instead, we disguise the boast with self-deprecation, hoping others will “see through it” and hand us the compliment. But emotional intelligence tells us this is the opposite of effective. Instead of admiration, people feel manipulation.

At its core, the masked brag comes from insecurity, the need to be seen, paired with the fear of being called out. It’s the verbal equivalent of fishing for compliments. And ironically, it often produces the opposite of what we want.

The Impact on Leadership

Anyone can fall into this—line-level employees, team leads, even C-suite executives. But when a leader does it, the damage is profound. If you are a leader and you lean into this, it is not just a bad habit; it’s a tactic. And it backfires.

Teams begin to see you as inauthentic.
Colleagues stop bringing their whole selves forward because they don’t feel heard.
Trust erodes.
You become the person people avoid, whether in a meeting, in hallways, or even in elevators.

And once trust is lost, it’s very difficult to rebuild.

Warning Signs You Might Be Masked Bragging

You downplay accomplishments, secretly hoping someone will contradict you.
You weave self-promotion into jokes or unrelated stories.
You “casually mention” personal wins in conversations where it doesn’t belong.

These are red flags that you may be prioritizing attention over genuine connection.

What to Do Instead

Own your wins. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m proud of this.”
Give credit. Shine the light on those who helped: your team, a mentor, or a process.
Check your intent. Before speaking, ask yourself: Am I sharing this to connect or to impress?

Authentic acknowledgment builds trust. Masked bragging erodes it.

A Last Reflection

I hadn’t thought about that colleague for years until I read Travis Bradberry’s article. It brought that memory rushing back and inspired me to share it with you.

Because here’s the truth: Authenticity connects. The Masked Brag repels.

#AuthenticLeadership #EmotionalIntelligence #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipCulture #TrustInLeadership #WorkplaceWellbeing #QuackenbushCoaching #emotionalintelligence

Missing the Boat: How We Overlook Life’s Biggest Clues

“Waiting for the Sign” and What Happens When You Miss It

You’ve probably heard the story.

There’s a man stranded on a rooftop during a flood.

He prays, “God, please save me.”

Soon, a neighbor offers him a ride in a rowboat.

He declines. “No thanks, God’s going to save me.”

A rescue team comes by with a motorboat. Again, he declines.

A helicopter lowers a rope. Still, he refuses.

Eventually, the man drowns.

In Heaven, he asks, “God, why didn’t you save me?”

God replies, “I sent a rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter. What more were you waiting for?”

Now, we laugh because we see ourselves in that story.

So many of us are waiting for a particular kind of sign ,one wrapped in sparkles, trumpets, and divine neon. We tell ourselves that if it doesn’t come that way, it must not be the answer.

But signs don’t always come in the packaging we expect.

Sometimes the answer shows up as a friend inviting you to coffee.

Sometimes it’s a job you feel overqualified for — but it’s your way in.

Sometimes the sign is your own fatigue, your own peace, your own inner “no.”

We miss the signs not because we’re blind , but because we’ve trained ourselves to only see certain colors.

And Then Comes the Moment You Realize: You Missed the Boat

Let’s talk about that moment.

The gut-punch. The pit in your stomach. The “Oh no… I waited too long.”

Maybe you knew you should have left the job.

Maybe you stayed too long in a friendship that shrunk your soul.

Maybe the door opened, but fear sat heavier than your readiness.

So you stayed. You doubted. You waited.

And the boat left without you.

Here’s what doesn’t get said enough:

That grief is real.

That “I missed it” moment is painful.

And for many people, it can spiral.

We fall into withdrawal.

Throw ourselves a pity party.

Convince ourselves we’re too late, too old, too messed up.

We “throw in the towel,” but what we really need to do is wring it out.

Take a breath. Let the disappointment be what it is ,without letting it define who you are.

Because here’s the truth:

Life doesn’t run out of boats.

My personal philosophy?

If you miss the door, the window will open.

If the window jams, you better believe I’ll grab a hammer and make a whole new door.

That’s the power of resilience ,and it’s available to all of us.

Sometimes the Sign Is That It’s Time to Walk Away

One of the most difficult truths we avoid is that some signs are actually invitations to leave.

To release the thing we’ve outgrown.

The relationship you’ve prayed would change.

The job you’ve contorted yourself to fit.

The friendship you’re always the one saving.

Sometimes the sign is: This is no longer yours to carry.

We cling out of guilt. We stay out of loyalty. We confuse “long-term” with “lifelong.”

And when it comes to family ,whew.

That’s when the signs can feel the hardest to follow.

But as Dr. Maya Angelou reminded us:

“Respect is not owed because of age. It is earned.”

You are not disloyal for setting boundaries.

You are not selfish for wanting peace.

You are not heartless for choosing healing.

So… What Are You Waiting For?

Are you waiting for the burning bush?

Or are you ignoring the bush that’s been smoldering for months?

Are you hoping for a perfectly timed sign, or are you discounting the three you already received?

Look, you don’t need a choir of angels.

You just need to listen. To trust. To move.

Because if you’re reading this , the next boat is already on its way.

Don’t miss it this time.

And if you do ,know that the harbor still has your name on it.

#DontMissTheBoat #LifeLessons #TrustTheSigns #CoachQuackWisdom #LeadershipGrowth #HealingJourney #MindsetMatters #SelfAwareness #NextChapter #EmotionalClarity #ResilienceInAction #BoundariesAreBeautiful #YouAreNotTooLate #NewOpportunitiesAhead

Our Differences Make Us Stronger: Embracing What We Often Avoid

When we surround ourselves only with people who think like us, we shrink.

True leadership and personal growth require us to get uncomfortable, challenge our assumptions, and welcome difference.

Here’s how to know when you’re unconsciously shutting out the very thing that could elevate your next breakthrough.

The Discomfort of Difference

Let’s be honest with ourselves. How many times have we used these familiar phrases:

“I’m not vibing with her.” “They don’t really fit the culture.” “I’m not feeling him.” “They just don’t jive with how we do things.”

Sometimes we’re naming a boundary, a preference, or a true energetic mismatch.

But more often than we realize, we’re rehearsing avoidance.

These phrases become coded language for dismissing people who challenge us, make us uncomfortable, or think differently than we do.

It’s subtle. It’s often unintentional. And it can cost us more than we know.

When we start silencing difference, even unconsciously, we begin to shut down opportunities, creativity, and connection.

The Junior Associate With the Big Idea

There was a leader who needed a fresh campaign for an upcoming product launch. The room was filled with seasoned voices, but the most compelling idea came from the quietest person at the table, a junior associate who had recently been researching a new customer segment.

Her approach was bold, a little unorthodox, and completely rooted in data.

The leader glanced at the concept, shook his head, and moved on.

“Not aligned with our tone,” he said. “It doesn’t feel like us.”

A month later, a competitor launched a campaign nearly identical to the one the associate had pitched. It exploded online. Their product soared.

What happened?

It wasn’t strategy that failed. It wasn’t the idea.

It was the leader’s assumption.

It was his unconscious bias.

It was a quiet dismissal of difference, wrapped in the language of comfort.

The Workplace Is a Mirror

Let’s name what’s real: if we do this at work, we’re doing it at home too.

In our relationships.

In our circles.

In our communities.

Leadership doesn’t begin at the office door and end when we clock out.

It shows up in how we listen.

How we relate to discomfort.

How we respond when someone’s way of thinking stretches our own.

It shows up in who we invite into the room and who we quietly edge out.

Sometimes that difference comes from gender or race.

Sometimes it comes from age, energy, communication style, or cultural background.

Sometimes it’s simply someone’s worldview.

Difference Isn’t a Threat. It’s a Gift.

We’ve forgotten how to disagree without disconnecting.

We’ve mistaken different values for disrespect.

We’ve collapsed boundaries and biases into one shapeless thing and told ourselves it’s discernment.

But there is a difference between avoidance and clarity, between dismissal and discernment.

Boundaries are sacred.

Preferences are real.

But bias? Bias is the story we don’t know we’re telling ourselves. And often, it’s the very thing keeping us small.

This Is What Real Leadership Asks Of Us

It asks us to pause.

To notice what we’re avoiding.

To ask where our discomfort is coming from.

To lean in, even when we’re not sure how it’s going to land.

When we practice this, we start to hear the voices we’ve been filtering out.

We create space for questions that aren’t rehearsed.

We stretch beyond our personal lens.

We grow.

A Gentle (But Clear) Self-Audit

Not every difference is meant for your circle.

Not every discomfort is bias.

But when you consistently move away from difference, you need to ask yourself why.

Try reflecting on this:

Who do I avoid or tune out without realizing it? What assumptions am I making based on how someone talks, looks, or leads? Do I listen to learn, or to confirm what I already believe?

You don’t need to change your values.

But you may need to examine the way you value others.

Let your discomfort be a teacher, not a gatekeeper.

Words to Walk With:

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” — Albert Einstein

“Difference is not a deficit.” — Iyanla Vanzant

“You don’t have to agree with someone to hear them. And you don’t have to feel comfortable to be in integrity.” — Jewel Quackenbush

You may not realize you’re silencing people.

You may think you’re protecting your peace or your team.

But take a deeper look.

Are you building a team, or an echo chamber?

Are you in community, or in control?

If we only build with people who think like us, we’re not building, we’re repeating.

So pause. Reflect. And stretch a little.

Someone’s brilliance might sound unfamiliar. That doesn’t mean it isn’t right.

And it just might be the missing piece your leadership has been waiting for.

Visual Cue for Reflection:

Sometimes what we think we see is only part of the story.

At first glance, this image might look like one thing.

But if you pause, tilt your head, or shift your focus—you might notice something else entirely.

This is what unconscious bias looks like in practice.

A moment where we assume we know.

But if we’re willing to see differently, we might discover something beautiful we nearly missed.

#LeadershipReflection

#EmbraceDifference

#DiscernmentNotDismissal

#EmotionalIntelligence

#UnconsciousBias

#CoachingForGrowth

#ModernLeadership

#InclusiveLeadership

Strokaversary

I Survived. Then I Rewired. And Now, I Thrive.

In 2015, I had a stroke.

It hit the left side of my brain , the side responsible for language, logic, reasoning, numbers, planning, sequencing, and executive functioning.

In an instant, the entire right side of my body went silent. I lost my rhythm, my words, and nearly lost myself.

The left brain is where we build lists and launch goals. It’s the voice of order, analysis, and step-by-step thinking. It’s the part that helps you tie your shoes, write a sentence, and solve a problem.

So when my stroke came for that part of me, I could’ve lost everything I was proud of my ability to coach, to communicate, to think clearly, to walk, to plan, to be me.

But I didn’t.

Why?

Because the brain ,like the soul, is miraculous.

Thanks to my neurologist, my physical therapist, my speech therapist, and a whole lot of grace, I did the unthinkable: I helped my brain build new pathways.

Neuroplasticity is a fancy word, but I lived it. It means the brain can adapt. Rewire. Reroute. It means that even when a part of you breaks, there’s still another part that wants to build.

I practiced. I cried. I fumbled. I forgot. I tried again.

There were days when walking felt like mountain climbing.

There were days when words hid from me like shadows.

And there are still days when the echo of that stroke hums quietly in my bones.

But here I am. Coaching. Speaking. Dancing. Living. Loving. Learning. Laughing. Dreaming.

Not in spite of what I lost. But because of what I chose to rebuild.

I still have some deficits. They’re part of me now. But I don’t use them as a crutch. I use them as a compass , a reminder of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come.

Today is my STROKEAVERSARY (stroke-uh-vair-suh-ree) the day I look back at the fire that nearly consumed me and say, “I walked through it.”

This isn’t just about me.

This is about you, too.

Because whatever you’re walking through trauma, loss, illness, grief , you can rebuild. You can reroute. You can rise.

Your Turn Dear Reader:

What part of you once felt lost, and what did it teach you when you fought to get it back?

If you’ve survived something how has it shaped the way you show up in the world today?

I’d love to hear your story. Today, we celebrate the power of the human spirit together.

Judgment or Opinion? Words Matter. (Yes, I’m Saying It Again.)

Yesterday we were enjoying a Father’s Day meal, sitting around the table with good people and good energy. The kind of conversation that flows from life updates to pop culture to the joys (and frustrations) of adulting.

Somehow, IKEA came up.
Now, if you know me, you know I don’t love IKEA. So I shared:

“You know, I don’t really like IKEA. I was excited to go there looking for something specific, and when I arrived, they didn’t have it.”

Someone replied, “Did you check online?”
I said, “Yes, it was out of stock.”

Then came the food talk. They brought up the IKEA restaurant, and I added:

“I’ve never eaten there. I’m just not a raving fan of Swedish meatballs.”

At that point, someone said:
“You’re judging.”

I paused. I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to turn a lovely dinner into a debate. But the comment lingered. It made me reflect.
Because no, I wasn’t judging.
I was sharing a personal experience and a preference, not a moral decree.

Judgment vs. Opinion: Yes, There’s a Difference
This isn’t the first time I’ve circled this mountain, so go ahead and say it:

“Oh no, here goes Jewel again talking about words.”

You’re right. I am talking about words again. Because they matter.
They carry weight. They shape relationships. They can open doors or shut people down.

So let’s take a beat and break it down:

Opinion	Judgment
“I don’t like IKEA. It didn’t have what I needed.”	“People who shop at IKEA don’t value quality.”
Rooted in experience or preference	Implies a verdict or condemnation
Personal, self-focused	Often other-focused and diminishing
Leaves room for disagreement	Carries a tone of superiority or finality

When I said I didn’t like IKEA, I wasn’t implying that you shouldn’t. I wasn’t saying you were wrong for loving the meatballs, the layout, or the minimalist shelves with impossible-to-pronounce names.

I was simply saying:
It didn’t work for me.

That’s not judgment. That’s just me, being honest without being unkind.

Why This Matters So Much to Me
Here’s the thing:
Sometimes, when someone shares a different experience or perspective, we take it personally. Especially when we feel connected to the thing being critiqued.

But as I often say in my coaching work:
People don’t hear what you say. They hear what they fear you meant.

In this case, my words were not an attack; they were a story. A moment. A preference.

Not every “I don’t like it” is a declaration of war.
Sometimes, it’s just,

“I don’t like it.”

The W in W.A.T.C.H. (You Knew It Was Coming)
At Quackenbush Coaching, one of our foundational tools is the acronym W.A.T.C.H.
It stands for:
Words, Actions, Thoughts, Character, and Habits.

And yes, we’re starting with Words for a reason.

Words create worlds.
They define moments.
And when used thoughtfully, they help us build bridges instead of burning them.

Mislabeling someone’s honest expression as “judgment” can shut down vulnerability. And we don’t need less honesty in this world, we need more skill in how we receive it.

Coaching Reflection (and a Loving Nudge)
If someone’s opinion rubs you the wrong way, ask yourself:

“Are they diminishing me or just being true to themselves?”

And if you’re told you’re judging when you know you’re simply sharing, try:

“I hear you. Can I ask what part felt like judgment?”

Because it’s not about winning the conversation.
It’s about staying in it with curiosity, kindness, and clarity.

So yes, here I go again.
Talking about words.
Talking about labels.
Talking about the difference between opinion and judgment.

Because if we can get that right,
We give each other the freedom to be honest without fear of being misunderstood.

And isn’t that the whole point?

#WordsMatter

#JudgmentVsOpinion

#WATCHYourWords

#EmotionalIntelligence

#SpeakWithClarity

#CoachingConversation

#SelfAwareness

#LeadershipDevelopment

#AuthenticCommunication

#QuackenbushCoachingLLC

When the Brain Takes the Wheel: Coaching Through a Leadership Trigger

By Jewel Quackenbush | Quackenbush Coaching LLC

She was brilliant, respected, highly analytical—and a neurologist.

After a high-stakes meeting where everything spiraled, she pulled me aside and said, “I went in clear. I came out shaking. I don’t even know what happened.”

She studies the brain for a living. But in that moment, it wasn’t her expertise leading the room.

It was her limbic system.

What Is the Limbic System, and Why Should Leaders Care?

The limbic system is the emotional command center of the brain. It governs memory, emotion, instinct, and survival. It doesn’t wait for logic. It reacts to perceived threats—whether physical or psychological.

For leaders, this means that any space that feels unsafe—through tone, body language, or tension, can trigger a survival response.

You might freeze. You might defend. You might speak from armor instead of alignment.

The Problem with “Powering Through”

Too many leaders white-knuckle their way through meetings, trying to look composed while their bodies scream “danger.”

That’s not leadership. That’s self-abandonment.

When your limbic system takes the wheel, your executive presence becomes a passenger. What suffers?

Clarity. Connection. Culture.

The Quackenbush Leadership Reboot: 4 Steps to Regain Presence

1. Notice the Signal

Recognize the shift—tight chest, shallow breath, change in tone. These are your internal alarms.

2. Pause and Ground

Take three deep breaths. Feel your feet on the floor. This isn’t wasted time. It’s recalibration.

3. Reframe the Moment

Ask yourself: “Is this a threat, or is it unfamiliar?” Most reactions are habit—not reality.

4. Regulate and Respond

Speak with intention. Use your tone and energy to create psychological safety, even in tough conversations.

Case in Point: The Neurologist’s Breakthrough

After that hallway moment, we didn’t talk strategy.

We talked breath.

We talked body awareness.

We built rituals to help her recognize the moment before the moment took her.

Within weeks, her team began describing her as calmer, clearer, more present. Not because she changed jobs but because she changed how she showed up.

Leadership isn’t just what you do. It’s how your presence lands.

Before you coach your team, coach your nervous system.

Because when you lead from a regulated place, you don’t just get through the moment you transform it.

Ready to Lead with Intention?

Subscribe to the Quackenbush Coaching Newsletter or book a free 20-minute clarity call.

Let’s coach the system that leads everything: you.

Suspicion

Have you ever found yourself being suspicious of everything and everyone?

It starts with a raised eyebrow, a tightened gut, a voice that whispers, “Don’t trust it.” And for many of us, it doesn’t stop there. It becomes a pattern that is subtle at first, then constant. But here’s the real question:

Is it suspicion, or is it paranoia?

And is the suspicion serving you or slowly suffocating your ability to connect, trust, and thrive?

Let’s be honest: suspicion isn’t always wrong. Sometimes, it’s wisdom in disguise. A sixth sense. A sharpened gift honed by experience, intuition, or survival. But other times? It’s a trauma echo, a legacy from environments that taught us to always stay ready because safety wasn’t guaranteed.

There is a difference between suspicion and paranoia.

Suspicion is a cautious awareness. It’s your internal radar telling you something might be off and prompting you to pause and assess.

Paranoia, on the other hand, is when that radar is always on full blast, regardless of evidence. It’s persistent, irrational distrust that distorts reality and disrupts relationships.

Example:

If you’re suspicious, you might double-check a new coworker’s story because something didn’t add up.

If you’re paranoid, you assume your entire team is conspiring against you because they had a meeting without you even if it had nothing to do with you.

So, what happens when suspicion becomes your default?

Are you the leader who assumes everyone’s out to get ahead of you?
Do you sit in meetings, quick to shoot down ideas that aren’t yours, afraid to be outshined?
Do you keep people at arm’s length because getting close sets off your inner alarm?
Do compliments feel manipulative? Does kindness trigger your guard instead of your gratitude?

Living in a world designed by suspicion is exhausting. It’s like holding your breath in every conversation, scanning every motive, second-guessing even joy. Suspicion, when misused, robs us of possibility, of peace, and of people.

But let’s not demonize it. Suspicion, when healthy, is a powerful protector.

It can keep us from danger, dishonesty, or repeating painful patterns.

The key is in knowing when it’s protecting… and when it’s preventing.

So, how do you know if your suspicion has taken the wheel?

Ask yourself:

Do you consistently assume the worst about people, even with no evidence?
Are you more comfortable anticipating betrayal than receiving love?
Is your inner narrative always one of caution, distance, and distrust?

If so, it may be time to recalibrate. Not to abandon your instinct, but to put it in balance.

And here’s the hard truth: if you recognize these patterns not only in your workplace but also in your personal relationships if you find yourself second-guessing your friends, doubting your children, or anticipating disappointment from your partner it might be time to do the deeper work. Suspicion doesn’t just impact strategy and decision-making. It can quietly erode trust at home, too.

Here are a few practices to shift suspicion from sabotage to self-awareness:

Check the origin. Ask yourself: Is this about now or something from back then? Childhood? Betrayal? Loss? Generational trauma doesn’t dissolve without effort.
Separate fact from fear. Write down what you know versus what you feel. Then ask: Is there proof, or just a pattern?
Be curious, not combative. Instead of assuming intent, try asking questions. You’ll be surprised what clarity and compassion can do.
Journal the loop. Suspicion thrives in secrecy. Write down your suspicions seeing them on paper can deflate their power and reveal the real wound beneath.
Open just a little. Trust doesn’t require jumping off a cliff. It can be a hand extended, a kind word received, or a small “yes” to connection.

What are you missing by leading with suspicion?

What relationship, opportunity, or joy has been locked out by that invisible wall?

If you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, you’ll never enjoy the one you’re standing in.

Suspicion can be a superpower. But it needs a wise wielder.

And that dear reader…. is you.

#EmotionalIntelligence #LeadershipGrowth #SelfAwareness #TraumaHealing #MindfulLeadership #TrustAndConnection #QuackenbushCoaching

“Not Every Villain Is a Narcissist: Reclaiming the Meaning of Words We’ve Watered Down”

By Jewel Quackenbush, MCC | Quackenbush Coaching

There’s a strange thing happening in today’s conversations. Psychological buzzwords like “narcissist” and “gaslighting” are being tossed around with little regard for what they actually mean. They’re showing up in arguments, captions, and TikTok diagnoses like confetti. But here’s the problem—when we misuse powerful language, we strip it of its meaning and weaponize it in ways that do more harm than good.

Let’s break it down and bring clarity back to the conversation.

What Is a Narcissist?

According to the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable condition characterized by:

A grandiose sense of self-importance A need for excessive admiration A lack of empathy A pattern of exploiting others for personal gain A belief that one is special, unique, or entitled

This is not a personality quirk or a one-off behavior. NPD is a persistent, deep-seated disorder diagnosed by a trained mental health professional.

Narcissistic Tendencies Are Not the Same as NPD

Here’s the truth: people can behave selfishly without having a personality disorder.

There’s a big difference between someone who:

Has narcissistic traits (like being self-focused, arrogant, or dismissive in a moment) versus Someone who consistently manipulates, dehumanizes, and lacks empathy in a sustained pattern across relationships

The first is a behavior. The second is a clinical diagnosis.

When we call someone a “narcissist” after one argument or a single hurtful moment, we’re not just wrong, we’re being careless. And we contribute to the growing trend of psychological name-calling that leaves real wounds.

What Does “Gaslighting” Actually Mean?

The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband intentionally manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her sanity by dimming the gas lights and then denying it.

True gaslighting is:

Intentional Repeated Meant to distort someone’s sense of reality

It might sound like:

“That never happened. You’re imagining things.” “You’re too sensitive. No one else sees it that way.” “Are you sure? You tend to make things up.”

Gaslighting is abuse.

But today, people use it to describe anything from being disagreed with to feeling misunderstood. And that’s not only inaccurate it’s dangerous.

Why This Matters

Words shape our perception. Misusing terms like “narcissist” or “gaslighting” can:

Undermine real survivors who’ve experienced psychological abuse Label people unfairly based on one moment Encourage black-and-white thinking, rather than curiosity and communication Create emotional distance where healing might be possible

We don’t want to be mislabeled and we shouldn’t mislabel others. Because words don’t just describe people, they follow them. If someone asks, “What do you think of her?” and the reply is, “She’s a narcissist,” that label gets into the room before she does. That’s not fair, and it’s certainly not ethical.

As professionals, leaders, and trusted voices in our communities, we must be careful. These words sensationalized by media and social platforms shouldn’t become part of our everyday vocabulary if we don’t fully understand their impact. Especially when we use them with our teams, our families, or our friends, or when we reach for them in moments of conflict.

Ask Yourself These Questions First

Before using either term, pause and ask:

Is this a pattern or just a bad day? Am I describing behavior, or diagnosing a person? What am I feeling right now and what do I actually need? Have I slowed down long enough to ask, “Is it true?” (Thank you, Byron Katie.)

A Coaching Challenge from Me to You

The next time you’re tempted to label someone, try this instead:

Name the behavior, not the person. Write it out. “They interrupted me while I was talking and dismissed my opinion.” Name your feeling. “I felt unheard, frustrated, and disrespected.” Ask what you need. “I need to feel acknowledged in conversations. I need space to speak.” Communicate instead of categorize. What would it look like to bring clarity instead of combat?

We don’t need to be psychologists to have powerful conversations but we do need to be responsible.

Let’s be stewards of our language. Let’s stop picking up buzzwords like trend pieces and start honoring the real stories, real people, and real pain behind them. Healing happens when we describe with honesty, not when we diagnose without understanding.

Because when we get the language right, we get the healing right too.

“The Motherhood Manual Never Came But We Wrote It Anyway”

By Jewel Quackenbush

Twenty-seven years ago, I became a mother.

I didn’t know it then, but in that single, holy moment, my heart permanently relocated to someone else’s body. I was young, ambitious, unsure. I was still trying to figure out how to care for myself let alone a whole new life that would one day call me “Mom.”

And yet, motherhood met me where I was. With its soft chaos and sacred calling, it shaped me. It raised me while I raised her.

Mother’s Day rolls around every May, inviting flowers, cards, and tearjerking commercials that somehow always feature the perfect kitchen lighting. But real motherhood? It doesn’t fit in a vase. And it certainly doesn’t expire at midnight on the second Sunday of May.

Because you are a mother 365 days a year.

You are a nurse without credentials, a therapist without a couch. You’re an accountant, a chauffeur, a chef, a negotiator, a life coach, a spiritual advisor, a bedtime storyteller, and a walking, talking search engine for every misplaced backpack and broken heart.

You are also an educator, a guidance counselor, and a fierce protector.

You are always on. Even when you’re off the clock.

And let’s be clear your gender does not define your capacity to mother.

To the fathers, uncles, grandfathers, and brothers who have stepped fully into mothering roles with tenderness and grit: we see you too. Because nurturing is not a gendered trait. It’s a human one. And when love calls you to show up, you answer even if the world doesn’t quite know what to call you.

Whether you’re a mom by biology, adoption, spirit, or circumstance… whether you’re a full-time professional, stay-at-home warrior, or juggling both with one arm while stirring spaghetti with the other you are doing the sacred work of shaping the future.

And that matters.

Did you know Mother’s Day in the U.S. has roots as far back as the 19th century?

Activist Ann Reeves Jarvis organized “Mother’s Day Work Clubs” to support mothers in caring for their children. But it was her daughter, Anna Jarvis, who lobbied for an official holiday to honor the sacrifices mothers make every day. In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson signed it into national observance. Ironically, Anna later fought against the commercialization of Mother’s Day—because it wasn’t meant to be a marketing tool. It was meant to be a reverent pause.

So today, let’s reclaim that pause.

Let’s acknowledge that motherhood is not one-size-fits-all. It’s not just about giving birth it’s about giving. Giving love, energy, time, wisdom, space, structure, comfort, correction, and everything in between.

There are thousands of books on parenting.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

The First 12 Months.

Parenting with Purpose.

Volumes written by brilliant people with impressive credentials.

And still, nothing in those pages prepares you for the weight of holding a child who relies on you for everything.

Nothing explains the lump in your throat the first time they say your name.

No manual walks you through the moment when you’re running on two hours of sleep and instinct alone.

Because motherhood real motherhood is a lived experience.

You don’t read your way into it.

You become it. One choice, one sacrifice, one unshakable act of love at a time.

To every mother who has ever questioned, “Am I doing this right?” let me lovingly say: You are.

Because the best kind of mothering doesn’t come from perfection.

It comes from presence.

It comes from showing up.

It comes from continuing on, even when your tank is empty, and your coffee’s gone cold.

To the new moms holding everything together with a baby wipe and a whispered prayer…

To the grandmother’s parenting for the second time…

To the women who mother without a title…

To the dads doing double duty…

To the bonus moms, the auntie-moms, the grieving moms, the trying-to-become moms…

To every mother who has wiped tears, soothed storms, and dared to raise leaders in a chaotic world,

We see you. We thank you. We honor you.

And to the children reading this if you want to lead in life, start by honoring the ones who first led you. Your first coach, first teacher, first safe space, first “yes you can” when the world said no.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart.

There are days we cry silently behind closed doors.

Then we dry our faces, square our shoulders, and do it all over again.

Because we were built for this.

If you’re at the end of your rope today, tie a knot. Hold on.

You’re not alone. You are needed. You are irreplaceable.

You are the story, the shelter, the song, and the strength.

And if I had to do it all over again—I would.

Because I have learned, I have grown and witnessed the fruit of my labor in the life I helped shape.

Happy Mother’s Day to every kind of mother.

With love and thunder,

Jewel Quackenbush

Chief Vision Officer | Quackenbush Coaching, LLC

#MothersDay2025# RealMotherhood #MotherhoodUnfiltered #NurtureAndLead #FathersWhoMother #ParentingTruths #SacredMotherhood #365DaysOfMotherhood #LeadWithLove #EmotionalLabor #MotherhoodJourney #RaisingTheFuture #ModernMotherhood #QuackenbushCoaching

#WithLoveAndThunder

#MomLifeUnscripted

#IntentionalParenting

#HonorTheMothers

#ThankYouMoms

Passed Up for That Promotion?

Here’s What to Do Next

By Jewel Quackenbush | Quackenbush Coaching

You put in the work.

You showed up early, stayed late, and raised your hand when no one else would.

You built relationships, solved problems, and became someone your team could count on.

Then, the opportunity you were waiting for the promotion you deserved opened up.

You gathered your courage, applied, and even received encouragement from leadership.

You interviewed. You dreamed. You dared to hope.

And then… they gave it to someone else.

Someone from outside.

Someone who didn’t know the culture, the people, the heart of the place the way you did.

And worst of all?

No meeting. No explanation. Just silence.

The Gut Punch of Being Passed Over

I know this feeling because I have lived it.

Years ago, while working for a major hotel in Chicago, I set my sights on a leadership role that I had essentially been performing unofficially.

I was qualified. I was connected. I was ready.

But instead of promoting me, they hired someone from the outside someone less qualified and when I pushed for an honest reason, I was told, “I looked too urban.”

Let that sink in.

It wasn’t about talent.

It wasn’t about capability.

It was about politics. And perception.

The gut punch was real.

The heartbreak was real.

And the temptation to shut down, to become bitter, was very, very real.

How Not to Let It Destroy You

In moments like these, we are standing at a crossroads.

We can either let disappointment harden us or let it strengthen us.

I chose to strengthen.

And here’s how you can, too:

Acknowledge the Hurt

Pretending it doesn’t hurt is not strength it’s avoidance.

Journal it, name it, sit with it, and give yourself the grace to grieve the version of your envisioned future.

“You can’t heal what you won’t feel.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Stay True to Your Work Ethic

Don’t let one moment define your career.

You were excellent before this happened. Stay excellent now.

Bitterness is a thief that robs you more than anyone else.

“Don’t become the thing you dislike.”

Get Curious, Not Furious

Ask questions. Seek feedback, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Sometimes, you’ll get honest answers. Sometimes you won’t.

But the process of asking positions you as a learner not a victim.

Invest in Yourself

Take the class. Earn the certification. Work with a coach.

Not because you weren’t enough you are but because growing on your terms is the ultimate power move.

Remember Why You Started

No one can take away the passion that got you here.

Reconnect with your purpose, your pride, and your own intrinsic value.

“Be the leader you wish you had.” – Simon Sinek

When the Mirror Is Hard to Face: Honest Self-Reflection

As much as external factors can play a role, I also believe we owe it to ourselves to ask some hard but healthy questions:

Did I truly prepare for the interview? Sometimes, when we’re too comfortable with our internal leaders, we forget to “show up” like professionals. We get casual. We assume it’s a sure thing. But interviews even inside our companies deserve our full respect and preparation.
Did I take the interview seriously enough? Was I too relaxed? Too colloquial? Did I project the professionalism, strategic thinking, and future-focused mindset the role demands?
Was I actually ready for the new responsibilities? Excelling in your current role doesn’t automatically mean you are prepared for the challenges of the next level. Promotions aren’t just rewards but assignments of greater complexity, leadership, and accountability.

A Gentle Reminder

None of these reflections are meant to shame you.

They are intended to grow you.

True leadership isn’t about pretending we’re always right.

It’s about being willing to ask, “Where can I stretch next?”

because when we stay curious—about ourselves and the system—we stay powerful.

The “Stay Steady” Exercise

If you’re in the middle of this pain right now, try this:

1. Get a notebook.

2. Write down these four prompts and answer them honestly:

What am I feeling right now? (Name the emotions: anger, sadness, betrayal.)
What three things remain true about me, no matter what happened? (Example: “I am loyal. I am talented. I am respected by my peers.”)
What are two honest questions I can ask myself about my readiness for this opportunity? (Example: “Did I prepare fully for the interview? Was I truly ready for the scope of the new role?”)
What is one small, positive action I can take this week just for myself? (Example: enroll in a webinar, update your résumé, schedule a networking lunch.)

This list becomes your anchor when the emotions swell.

You are still worthy. You are still capable. You are still in charge of your own journey.

Getting passed over hurts sometimes more than words can explain.

But this is not your ending.

It’s an invitation to deepen your resilience, sharpen your vision, and rise on your own terms.

Keep leading.

Keep stretching your heart.

Keep betting on yourself.

Because you, my friend, are still a rockstar.

And no one can take that from you.

I believe real leadership begins with radical self-honesty and radical hope.

Keep rising. You are not alone.

– Jewel Quackenbush

Chief Vision Officer | Quackenbush Coaching LLC

#CareerGrowth #LeadershipWithHeart #PromotionPassedOver #CareerResilience #GrowthMindset #ExecutiveCoaching #QuackenbushCoaching #KeepStretching #StaySteady #InnerWorkMatters