Residue

A Tale of Two Leaders

“Leadership is not simply about guiding others, but consciously shaping the world with our actions and decisions. The residue we leave on others as leaders, through our behavior, can profoundly impact their futures. Therefore, we should always be mindful of our interactions, ensuring they inspire and uplift rather than damage or dishearten. Remember, as a leader, your influence can foster growth or cause unintended harm, so tread your path with care and respect for the echo it creates.” – Jewel Quackenbush.

Those words will forever resonate with my experiences, casting light on two distinct leadership styles I have encountered. Each leader left behind a residue that has significantly influenced my approach to leadership. Many stand out as I reflect on my career, life, and experiences. This is the story of two of them. 

At one point in my career, I worked for a very short time for a well-known Hotel Chain in Chicago. For this story, we will refer to them as Leaders A and B. 

Leader A was inexperienced in his position. (this is not a slight, it is true) He let that inexperience guide him toward short-sighted decisions rather than leaning into it and learning from his more seasoned colleagues. His brash, narrow-minded, and objectifying leadership style left a damaging residue of self-doubt and anger, shaking my belief in my proven leadership abilities.

Contrastingly, I had Leader B, my peer, who epitomizes empathetic and servant leadership. Leader B recognized the adverse impact of Leader A on me and intervened. She helped me recalibrate my journey with compassion and understanding, leaving an inspiring and empowering residue.

Reflecting on my experiences with Leaders A and B, I am reminded of the profound impact a leader’s actions and decisions can have on those they lead. Leader A’s style demonstrated the unintended harm that can come from inexperienced and short-sighted leadership. In contrast, Leader B’s approach underscored the potential for growth and resilience that positive leadership can inspire.

These experiences have prompted me to use my leadership platform to help others. I share these stories, hoping to inspire self-reflection among my readers, helping them identify and mitigate the harmful residues they may unconsciously leave on others.

As a leader, I’m keenly aware of the influence my actions can have on others. I strive to lead with empathy, care, and respect, conscious of the residue I leave behind. 

The moral of the story? We leave a residue. More than a decade has passed since that experience, and I still feel the effects of the residue left by both leaders. Leader A, who left a disheartening residue, likely has no idea how he affected me. But because of Leader B, who instinctively knew better, I could turn those lemons into lemonade.

I aspire to inspire and uplift, fostering an environment of growth and resilience and positively influencing those I have had the privilege to lead.

In the words of Simon Sinek, “Being a leader is not about being in charge; it’s about taking care of those in your charge.” This principle guides my leadership approach, and I am committed to ensuring that my leadership residue creates a nurturing and empowering environment.

FREEDOM

Freedom. 

It’s a word that holds immense power, transcending boundaries and igniting the human spirit. It takes on various forms and carries unique significance for each individual. Today, as we commemorate the Juneteenth anniversary, I celebrate a personal triumph over adversity that has redefined the essence of freedom in my life.

My world was shaken eight years ago today when I experienced a left hemispheric ischemic stroke. In an instant, fear consumed me as I confronted the scariest moment of my existence. For a long and arduous year, I fought to rebuild my shattered life, inching my way back to normalcy. Learning to speak, walk, and regain my vision,these simple acts we take for granted became monumental milestones on my journey to reclaiming my independence.

Unless you’ve been trapped within your body, confined by your brain’s limitations, it’s impossible to fathom the immense difficulty, pain, and despair that accompanies attempting even the most basic tasks you once took for granted. 

The freedom of movement and self-reliance? which many seldom appreciate- were mercilessly snatched away from me by that stroke.

Yet, from the depths of despair, a flicker of determination emerged, fueling my resolve to rise above my circumstances. Guided by a dedicated team of neurologists, neuro optometrists, physical and occupational therapists, psychologists, and the unwavering support of my loved ones, I embarked on the journey of self-discovery and resilience.

And then, four years ago, something seemingly insignificant transformed into a remarkable milestone,I learned how to skip. This may appear trivial to most, but if you could grasp the intricacies of the brain’s coordination with the hand and eyes, you would be awestruck, just as I was. The intricate web of signals coursing through our minds, orchestrating each step we take, is nothing short of miraculous. 

But for stroke survivors, it’s a process of rewiring and reprogramming the brain, relearning and remembering what was once second nature. Some may never regain these abilities.

But I did. And today, I conquered a new frontier—I rode a bike.

Oh, the terror that gripped me! (I would sooner step onto a stage and address a thousand people in an unfamiliar language!) My Husband urged me forward, persistently encouraging me for weeks on end. I had to summon the courage to cast aside the mental shackles that held me captive to break free from the self-imposed limitations. And so, with trembling hands and a racing heart, I embarked on a two-mile journey, clinging to the handlebars for dear life. I stumbled twice, almost succumbing to my fears.

As I pedaled on, a spectacle for those savoring their morning coffees, I saw from their recognition that this was no ordinary bike ride. They cheered me on; strangers became my allies on this terrifying journey. A timid squirrel watched me in awe, leaping out of the way as it witnessed my unstoppable determination. (I almost ran him over) 

Passersby on the trail, both ahead and behind me, showered me with words of encouragement, with their unwavering support embracing my spirit. My Husband and protector were steadfastly behind me, ensuring I did not fall or slip. (He would have to answer to our daughter if I did) I absorbed all the cheers, words, and sheer magnitude of this moment.

As I embarked on that bike ride, the world around me transformed. It was like a veil had been lifted, revealing a tapestry of vibrant colors and newfound possibilities. The once-familiar streets and landscapes took on a different hue, imbued with wonder and exhilaration.

At that moment, as I pedaled forward (white-knuckling it), I couldn’t help but marvel at the thousands of signals dancing within my brain. Neurons fired with lightning speed, coordinating my movements, maintaining balance, and processing the multitude of sensory inputs flooding my senses. It was a symphony of complexity, a testament to the incredible machinery that is the human brain.

As I navigated the trail, I became acutely aware of the people around me. Their faces held a blend of curiosity, admiration, and perhaps even a touch of fear. Strangers turned into fellow travelers on this unpredictable journey. Their cheers and encouraging words echoed in my ears, a powerful reminder of the go-go spirit within us all.

Yet, amid this newfound freedom, there were constant reminders of the challenges I had overcome. Measuring distances became an instinctual calculation, each milestone marking a personal victory. The ever-vigilant eye watched for possible hiccups—a pothole, an unexpected turn, or the sudden appearance of a wayward pedestrian.

The traffic lights, once mere symbols guiding the flow of vehicles, now held a more profound significance. They represented not only a means to ensure safety but also a test of my coordination and reaction time. With each green light, I propelled forward, embracing the newfound momentum of my journey. (I had to get off the bike a few times to recalibrate)

Bugs buzzed past tiny obstacles in the grand scheme of things, but for me, they symbolized the potential hurdles that could disrupt my progress. 

And then there were the children,innocent souls who embodied the pure joy of movement. Their laughter and carefree spirit reminded me of the freedom I had reclaimed. (They are on bikes too), a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the boundless possibilities that lie within us, even in the face of adversity.

This journey would be a nightmare for any stroke survivor, a relentless test of physical and mental fortitude. But as I pedaled onward, I carried the spirit of those who had supported and believed in me. 

Their unwavering love and encouragement propelled me forward, ensuring the nightmare remained firmly in the past.

As I reached another traffic light, a momentary pause in my exhilarating ride, I gazed around, taking in the magnificence of the world that looked so different from this bike. The colors seemed brighter, the sounds more apparent, and the air crisper. It was a testament to the transformation that had taken place within me—a metamorphosis from vulnerability to strength, from despair to hope.

With renewed determination, I continued my journey, knowing that each revolution of the pedals propelled me further away from the limitations that once held me captive. The wind whispered tales of liberation, carrying my spirit toward new horizons. And at that moment, I understood the true essence of freedom, the independence of the soul, the triumph over adversity, and the unyielding pursuit of a life without physical boundaries.

On this Juneteenth, as I celebrate my personal triumph, I invite you to join me on this ride. This ride transcends physical boundaries and embraces the resilience of the human spirit. 

Together, let us revel in the power of freedom, and may it inspire us all to break free from the shackles that confine us, daring to defy the odds and reach for the extraordinary.

I did it. 

The final exercise that I had avoided, like the plague conquered! I remain a lifelong student, perpetually learning and growing in this ever-evolving journey. And so, I implore you today—to embrace the challenges, engage in difficult conversations, and dare to try. Even if failure lurks around the corner, even if you stumble and fall, summon the courage to try, for someone, somewhere, is rooting for you.

In the words of Helen Keller, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” Today, as we celebrate Juneteenth, let us revel in the triumph of the human spirit, freedom against all odds.

Happy Juneteenth.

Feel The Feelings

For a time now, longer than I’d ever imagined, I’ve missed my daughter’s presence. I long for her laugh, a sound far richer than any melody, for the spark in her eyes brighter than the most dazzling fireworks, and the warmth of her embrace. A human connection thing that has been a saving grace for me is the ability to communicate with my daughter through digital connections like Zoom and FaceTime.

With our current circumstances, these options are all we have to bridge the physical distance between us. It’s not the same as being together in person, but it’s a way to stay connected and maintain a sense of closeness. Despite the challenges and limitations, I am grateful for these tools that allow me to see her face, hear her voice, and let her know how much she means to me.

It’s not the same as being together in person, but it’s a way to stay connected and maintain a sense of closeness. Despite the challenges and limitations, I am grateful for these tools that allow me to see her face, hear her voice, and let her know how much she means to me.

Alas, the cold, digital visage reflected in Zoom and FaceTime is a pale imitation of the vibrant life force she embodies. In this, I silently acknowledge the bitter fruit of our current circumstances.

In my role as a professional life coach, my calling has gained a new depth in these challenging times. It’s transcended beyond merely asking questions and lending a listening ear. Instead, it’s emerged as a lighthouse for the many drifting on a turbulent sea of despair. From varying walks of life, my clients converge on a common pain point – an unbearable void born from the absence of human connection. Safety, a basic human need, has ironically cast a shroud of isolation around us. A shroud was woven from social unrest, an unstable economy, evaporating livelihoods, and threatening homelessness. Indeed, the legacy of our times is a complex one.

Yet, it’s not the external conditions alone that wreak havoc. The emotional turmoil that bubbles beneath the surface of our collective consciousness adds a poignant layer to our shared human experience. Each heart carries the burden of loss and grief, and each soul grapples with the pain of missed opportunities and altered life trajectories.

In these times of unprecedented distress, I’ve found solace in the sanctity of a heart-wrenching cry. A cry so raw and primal it reverberates in the deepest corridors of your soul and shakes you to your core. This act of releasing sorrow is not just therapeutic but a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It is a declaration that it’s okay to feel, hurt, and heal. There’s no shame in showing our vulnerable selves. It’s the bravest thing we can do for ourselves.

However, the linchpin of my healing process lies in my passion for my work. The act of guiding others to uncover their purpose, reignite their latent talents, and take bold steps towards an encore career is a fountain of joy that nourishes my spirit. I find solace in the stronghold of my support network, a testament to the healing power of human connection. Our perspective, the lens through which we view the world, can either exacerbate our pains or transform them into stepping stones toward growth.

Through these trying times, we must never forget the power of conversation, the potency of words spoken and heard. We must realize that reaching out to a professional for help isn’t a sign of weakness. Instead, it symbolizes strength and self-awareness, a testament to our resilience and determination to seek a healthier mind and a balanced life.

Despite the challenges, I believe in the promise of brighter days. Hope, in its most resilient form, has an uncanny way of emerging from the darkest nights. Until then, I hold fast to the conviction that every cloud has a silver lining, and every tear shed is a stepping stone toward healing.

Self Sabotage

“Why can’t I be good enough?”

It’s a question that often haunts us, breeding self-doubt and undermining our self-worth. Despite our best efforts, we sometimes need help to fit into social circles or land that desired job. Little do we realize that our thoughts bleed into our lives and interactions, subconsciously guiding our behaviors.

Psychologists have long studied the link between thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Negative self-talk, like “I’m not good enough,” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, eroding our confidence and affecting how we present ourselves. Conversely, positive thoughts and a healthy self-image empower us to tackle challenges head-on.

Research shows that self-compassion plays a vital role in our well-being, and Dr. Kristin Neff defines it as extending warmth and understanding to ourselves when we face setbacks.

Cultivating self-compassion involves challenging negative thoughts and embracing realistic, positive ones. It’s a pathway to break free from the cycle of self-doubt and nurture a healthier self-perception.

Yet, navigating these internal struggles alone can be challenging. That’s where leadership mentors and coaches step in.

These guides offer invaluable support, helping us gain clarity, build resilience, and navigate professional challenges. They provide an outside perspective, challenging our self-limiting beliefs and offering practical strategies for growth.

I have stated before that seeking help is not a weakness but an investment in ourselves. Just as athletes rely on coaches to enhance their performance, we, too, can benefit from the guidance of those who see our hidden talents. As John C. Maxwell wisely said, “A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you than you see in yourself and helps bring it out of you.”

I am often haunted by memories of my early days in Chicago at one of my very first hotel jobs, and the negative things that poor “directors” and so-called leaders said to me became the thoughts that subconsciously shaped my life and many interactions long into my future until I was brave enough to become the boss I wish I had.

(I wish coaching were a thing back then)

When these things happen, it leads us to question our worth. Negative self-talk and doubt hinder our progress, while self-compassion and a positive self-image empower us to thrive. Mentors and coaches provide the guidance needed to break free from limiting beliefs and foster a mindset of growth and success. Let’s be kind to ourselves, challenge negative thoughts, and embrace the journey of unlocking our full potential.

If you’re ready to embark on this transformative path, Quackenbush Coaching offers a helping hand. Together, we can unravel and answer the complexities of your subconscious and unleash your true potential. Remember, a trusted guide can make all the difference in the adventure of self-discovery and growth. Embrace your worth, silence the doubts, and let’s embark on this remarkable journey together!

What’s Running in the background?

Have you ever noticed how much chatter is running in the background of your brain? Our minds are constantly buzzing with thoughts, worries, and distractions, which can drain our mental energy and leave us feeling exhausted. Just like cell phone apps that run in the background and drain our battery, this constant mental chatter drains our mental energy and leave us feeling depleted .

Let’s explore why it’s essential to turn off the chatter running in the background of your brain and discuss tools you can use to control it.

One of the best ways to quiet the mind is through mindfulness practices. Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment, without judgment or distraction. It is about paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without getting caught up in them.

There are many ways to practice mindfulness, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and body scans. These practices help us to cultivate awareness and focus our attention on the present moment. When we are mindful, we can observe our thoughts without getting caught up in them, which can help us to feel calmer and more centered.

Another useful tool for controlling mental chatter is to create a schedule. When we have a lot on our minds, it can be helpful to organize it into a plan. This can help us to prioritize our tasks and stay focused on what is essential. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”

Technology, also contributes to the constant chatter in our minds. Like the example of cell phone apps run in the background, draining our battery and using up our mental energy. It’s essential to turn off these apps and notifications to reduce distraction to increase focus.

By turning off unnecessary apps and notifications, we can give our full attention to what matters most. If we turn off the chatter running in the background our brains, we conserve mental energy and increase focus. Mindfulness practices and technology management are all useful tools to help control mental chatter. “The present moment is the only moment available to us, and it is the door to all moments.” By focusing on the present moment and turning off distractions, we can improve our mental health and lead a more fulfilling life.

Would You Hire Yourself?

Hey there, lovely humans!

Welcome to the wild, wacky, and oh-so-enlightening world of Quackenbush Coaching!.

Today, we’ll ponder a deeply existential question while having a bit of fun:

Would You Hire Yourself?

Get ready for a rollercoaster ride of self-examination, sarcasm, and workplace shenanigans. Trust me, it’ll be more exciting than that time you spent an entire afternoon watching cat videos on YouTube (not judging).

Now, we don’t want to make any assumptions, but if you’re reading this article, you’re either a decision maker looking for ideas, considering hiring yourself, or seeking a little entertainment. And why not? You’re an all-star candidate, right? But let’s not get carried away just yet. Before you start ordering business cards with your name on them, let’s delve deep into the world of self-hiring. Or any hiring.

First thing’s first: self-awareness. Harvard Business Review says it’s the cornerstone of outstanding leadership. So, are you the Oprah Winfrey of self-awareness or that guy-who-spent-six-hours-trying-to-open-a-pull-door self-aware (we’ve all been there)? Recognizing our own strengths and challenges is crucial for success, so take a moment to really consider yours.

Next up, work ethic. Are you the early bird who catches the – you know what, let’s skip the cliché. Are you punctual, focused, and reliable? Or are you more like an Instagram-scrolling sloth who clocks in late and takes extended lunch breaks? Your work ethic says a lot about your hirability, so be honest with yourself.

And finally, personality. Do you communicate like Shakespeare reincarnated, listening to and understanding others with ease? Or are you more of the “I’m always right, and everyone else is wrong” type? Your ability to work well with others is crucial for workplace harmony.

So, would you hire yourself? It’s a tricky question, but one that encourages self-reflection and growth. Maybe you’ll realize you’re the best employee since sliced bread, or perhaps it’s time to be your own boss. Whatever you discover, remember that life’s too short to be a boring, uptight worker – so embrace your quirks and don’t forget to laugh along the way!

What Are My Actions Saying About Me?

A common saying goes, “actions speak louder than words,” and it
holds a lot of truth. Our actions reflect our priorities, beliefs, and desires.
In today’s world, people are often more concerned with what they say than what
they do. But, if you genuinely want something, your actions will show how badly
you want it.

The first step in understanding the impact of your actions is to recognize
the difference between words and actions. Words, while they are sometimes use
as weapons and can seem quite heavy, don’t hold much weight. On the other hand, actions are tangible, demonstrating the effort and dedication you are puttinginto something.

When it comes to achieving your goals, your actions truly matter.

Your actions reveal your true intentions. If you keep saying something is a
priority but never act on it, it becomes apparent that you don’t want it. For
example, if you say that you want to exercise more but never make time for it,
it shows that you are not taking yourself seriously.

Similarly, if you say that you want to be successful but never take the
necessary steps to reach your goals, it reveals the importance you place on success.

Another way that actions speak louder than words is through consistency.

Consistency is crucial in achieving your goals and proving that you truly want something.
It’s not enough to take a few steps in the right direction and then give up
when things get tough. Instead, you must be consistent in your efforts and
persistent in your pursuit. If you keep taking steps towards your goals, even
when it’s challenging, it shows that you are dedicated and truly want what you
are striving for.

Moreover, your actions also reveal the level of commitment you have to
something. If you are committed, you will sacrifice and go the extra mile to
reach your goals. For example, if you are committed to something, you will make
time for it. On the other hand, if you aren’t committed, you will find excuses
and justifications for not putting in the effort.

In conclusion, actions speak louder than words, revealing how badly you want
something. Your actions show your true intentions, dedication, and commitment.
If you’re going to achieve your goals, you must focus on your actions.

Start taking consistent, meaningful steps toward your goals, and you will be
amazed at the progress you can make. Remember, your actions reveal how badly
you want something, and they are the key to unlocking your full potential.

What Is Shadow Work?

While pursuing my certifications as a Master Certified Coach, I had the privilege of learning a variety of therapeutic modalities.
One of those that fascinated me is Shadow Work.
As coaches, we need to ensure that our mental houses are in order so that we are fully present for our clients.
I quickly learned that shadow work is an essential tool for my toolbox.
So now, how will you get ready for 2023?
Are you brave enough?
Well, here’s what doing shadow work involves.
Shadow Work is a personal development practice involving exploring and understanding the unconscious parts that we often try to hide or repress. This can include negative traits, painful memories, and unhealed emotional wounds.

By bringing these hidden aspects of ourselves into the light, we can gain insight into why we behave and think the way we do and then work to heal and transform these parts of ourselves.
One of the main benefits of Shadow Work is increased self-awareness. By delving into the unconscious aspects of ourselves, we can become more aware of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and how they may influence our actions and decisions.
This can help us identify patterns of behavior that may be holding us back and work to change them.
Shadow Work can also help us to better understand and accept ourselves by facing the parts of ourselves that we may or may not like or be proud of. We can learn to embrace all aspects of ourselves, including our flaws and what we perceive as weaknesses.
This can lead to increased self-acceptance and self-compassion, which can be crucial for building healthy and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others.

Another benefit of Shadow Work is improved relationships. By gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves, we can learn how to communicate more effectively with others and better understand their perspective needs. This can lead to more harmonious, fulfilling relationships both personally and professionally.


Shadow Work can help us to break free from limiting beliefs and behaviors by exploring and understanding the unconscious motivation behind our actions.
We can identify and challenge beliefs that may be holding us back and work to transform them, leading to more significant personal growth and fulfillment.
I also constantly remind my clients that thoughts create feelings, feelings, drive our actions and those actions produce the results and outcomes of situations.


So one of the most essential benefits of Shadow Work is the sense of liberation and freedom it can bring. By facing and healing the unconscious parts of ourselves, we can let go of the burden of repressing and denying these aspects of ourselves. This can lead to a greater sense of authenticity and freedom to be ourselves and to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

So overall, Shadow Work can be a challenge.
It is hard, but it’s a gratifying process that can lead to greater self-awareness, greater self-acceptance, improved relationships, and a sense of liberation.
While doing your work, you quickly find that the benefits of this practice can be life-changing and well worth the effort.

If you’re interested in exploring shadow work, it can be helpful for you to work with a therapist, a professional coach, or a mentor who was trained in this area or join a support group or workshop. With the proper support and guidance, Shadow Work can be a powerful tool for personal growth and transformation.

With that being said, are you ready for 2023?

Thoughtful Reflection

I KNOW love. 

I recognize respect. 

I have learned my value. 

I have been fortunate enough to find someone who has taught me what love is, I have seen it, and I know how it looks. How it feels. How to recognize it when it shows up.

I am a better leader, friend, mentor, and mother because of it.  I am a better HUMAN because of it. I am grateful for the ability to notice it, feel it, see it, and have it.

Because of this, I know what these things do NOT look like. 

I have spent this morning in an excercise of reflectiion of my both personal and professional relationships.

There were quite a few that I mistook for love or respect when it was something else all together that I could not name or label. 

In my heart I have apologized for my ignorance and mistakes that came from it. 

How about you love yourself enough to do an assessment of your relationships past and present. 

What did you learn? 

How have you benefited from them? 

How are they serving you now? 

It’s a tough exercise. However, it is worth it.