Have you ever noticed how much chatter is running in the background of your brain? Our minds are constantly buzzing with thoughts, worries, and distractions, which can drain our mental energy and leave us feeling exhausted. Just like cell phone apps that run in the background and drain our battery, this constant mental chatter drains our mental energy and leave us feeling depleted .

Let’s explore why it’s essential to turn off the chatter running in the background of your brain and discuss tools you can use to control it.

One of the best ways to quiet the mind is through mindfulness practices. Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment, without judgment or distraction. It is about paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without getting caught up in them.

There are many ways to practice mindfulness, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and body scans. These practices help us to cultivate awareness and focus our attention on the present moment. When we are mindful, we can observe our thoughts without getting caught up in them, which can help us to feel calmer and more centered.

Another useful tool for controlling mental chatter is to create a schedule. When we have a lot on our minds, it can be helpful to organize it into a plan. This can help us to prioritize our tasks and stay focused on what is essential. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”

Technology, also contributes to the constant chatter in our minds. Like the example of cell phone apps run in the background, draining our battery and using up our mental energy. It’s essential to turn off these apps and notifications to reduce distraction to increase focus.

By turning off unnecessary apps and notifications, we can give our full attention to what matters most. If we turn off the chatter running in the background our brains, we conserve mental energy and increase focus. Mindfulness practices and technology management are all useful tools to help control mental chatter. “The present moment is the only moment available to us, and it is the door to all moments.” By focusing on the present moment and turning off distractions, we can improve our mental health and lead a more fulfilling life.

Hey there, lovely humans!

Welcome to the wild, wacky, and oh-so-enlightening world of Quackenbush Coaching!.

Today, we’ll ponder a deeply existential question while having a bit of fun:

Would You Hire Yourself?

Get ready for a rollercoaster ride of self-examination, sarcasm, and workplace shenanigans. Trust me, it’ll be more exciting than that time you spent an entire afternoon watching cat videos on YouTube (not judging).

Now, we don’t want to make any assumptions, but if you’re reading this article, you’re either a decision maker looking for ideas, considering hiring yourself, or seeking a little entertainment. And why not? You’re an all-star candidate, right? But let’s not get carried away just yet. Before you start ordering business cards with your name on them, let’s delve deep into the world of self-hiring. Or any hiring.

First thing’s first: self-awareness. Harvard Business Review says it’s the cornerstone of outstanding leadership. So, are you the Oprah Winfrey of self-awareness or that guy-who-spent-six-hours-trying-to-open-a-pull-door self-aware (we’ve all been there)? Recognizing our own strengths and challenges is crucial for success, so take a moment to really consider yours.

Next up, work ethic. Are you the early bird who catches the – you know what, let’s skip the cliché. Are you punctual, focused, and reliable? Or are you more like an Instagram-scrolling sloth who clocks in late and takes extended lunch breaks? Your work ethic says a lot about your hirability, so be honest with yourself.

And finally, personality. Do you communicate like Shakespeare reincarnated, listening to and understanding others with ease? Or are you more of the “I’m always right, and everyone else is wrong” type? Your ability to work well with others is crucial for workplace harmony.

So, would you hire yourself? It’s a tricky question, but one that encourages self-reflection and growth. Maybe you’ll realize you’re the best employee since sliced bread, or perhaps it’s time to be your own boss. Whatever you discover, remember that life’s too short to be a boring, uptight worker – so embrace your quirks and don’t forget to laugh along the way!

I KNOW love. 

I recognize respect. 

I have learned my value. 

I have been fortunate enough to find someone who has taught me what love is, I have seen it, and I know how it looks. How it feels. How to recognize it when it shows up.

I am a better leader, friend, mentor, and mother because of it.  I am a better HUMAN because of it. I am grateful for the ability to notice it, feel it, see it, and have it.

Because of this, I know what these things do NOT look like. 

I have spent this morning in an excercise of reflectiion of my both personal and professional relationships.

There were quite a few that I mistook for love or respect when it was something else all together that I could not name or label. 

In my heart I have apologized for my ignorance and mistakes that came from it. 

How about you love yourself enough to do an assessment of your relationships past and present. 

What did you learn? 

How have you benefited from them? 

How are they serving you now? 

It’s a tough exercise. However, it is worth it.

One word. Six syllables. When many of us hear it, we get quiet and take notice. We pay more than the usual attention to things, processes, and people. This word places people into one of two categories: Those who are being held accountable and those who are holding people accountable.

All of us, at one point, whether it has been personal or professional, have had the experience of being on either side. Either you are having a difficult conversation, or someone has had to have one with you. No matter which seat you are sitting in, it is uncomfortable; even worse if you are a person who blames, denies, or avoids accepting accountability. Simply put, failure to “own your stuff.”

I am waist-deep in Brene Brown’s newest book Atlas of the Heart. I am always careful when I dive into her work because it makes me take a hard look at myself, my behaviors, how I am showing up. I have to read my friend Brene in small doses (She does not know me personally). If she only knew how much she made me work!
The audiobook is 8 hours long….and I am more excited with every page I turn! Yes, I have the audiobook and am reading it simultaneously. She pushes me to think, feel, and examine the hard stuff that is so easy for me to overlook. Brene forces me to lean into the uncomfortable bits of leading and managing my personal and professional life. Sometimes I feel as if she holding a magnifying glass to my world.

As a Leadership and Life Coach, I pride myself in being an “accountability partner” for my clients. I ask questions that promote ideas, movement, change. I do this while keeping in mind that my clients are whole, creative, and resourceful people. I am a tool helping drive the positive result they are seeking. In that dynamic, accountability is necessary. Whether it is a personal conversation with someone or a professional setting, I am always surprised when the accountability part happens, the emotional reaction that is reflected back to me. While I should be used to it, the emotional response always surprises me. I am frequently at a loss for words when this happens. (enter uncomfortable silence)

Something I read at the beginning of Atlas of the Heart resonated with me and will now become my mantra when faced with accountability backlash.
Brene writes, “I am responsible for holding you accountable in a respectful and productive way. I am NOT responsible for your emotional reaction to that accountability.”

When there are emotional reactions to feedback or counseling, the person giving it immediately has an emotional response. This diminishes the feedback and can quickly devolve into a comfort and apology party. What is more important is that the person receiving the feedback listens to the message.

When we come from a place of respect and compassion, they will hear us. Apologies are not necessary. There will always be hard conversations, incomplete tasks, hiccups, mishaps, and mistakes. We will sometimes give feedback, and other times we will receive it. Our thoughts and state of mind are so important on either side of the equation. Accountability does not have to be negative, but it does need to be constructive, and it is in short supply these days. Let’s be the leaders we wish we had. Starting with being more accountable for ourselves, our behaviors, and our outcomes.

Discomfort & Leadership

No one ever said that being a leader is easy. Sometimes it’s scary, and Sometimes it is infuriating. Most times, it’s uncomfortable. So Let’s talk about discomfort. Nowadays, leadership is a scarce commodity because few people are willing to go through what is uncomfortable and step into leadership. (Seth Godin-Tribes) 

We fail to realize that discomfort makes leadership valuable. 

The truth is If everyone tries to lead all the time, not much happens, you end up with too many cooks in the kitchen. If everyone tries to speak at once, you never hear what people are trying to say. It all becomes noise. It becomes chatter in the background, and the intentions get lost. It’s the discomfort that creates the momentum that makes leadership worthwhile. In other words, if everyone can do it, they would.

It’s uncomfortable to do many, many things. It’s uncomfortable to stand up in front of strangers, give a presentation or speech for the first time, or introduce a new idea that might not work. It’s uncomfortable to challenge someone else’s ideas or the status quo. It’s uncomfortable to say no when everyone else is saying yes. 

When you can identify what that discomfort is. You have found the place where a leader is needed. If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your full potential as a leader. Leaders often figure out how to step into those vacuums and create motion. Those vacuums where leadership is necessary. They work hard to generate movement to generate traction; leaders work hard to get people involved. They work hard to bolster cooperation. Leaders speak up when it is time to have a challenging conversation. Leadership creates movement and transforms people. leaders motivate and inspire.

When we lean into discomfort and lead, our environments become communities, and the people we work with become family.

It has been 2 years since I have seen my daughter face to face. Zoom is great, So is facetime. I actually talk to her every day either by phone, or text but that just does not cut it. It simply is not enough. Thanks, COVID. I am a professional leadership and life coach. I have spent this past year doing a great deal of listening and asking a lot of questions. We all have different challenges; however, underneath it, there is a common theme; loneliness. Brought on all in the name of staying safe and keeping family members safe. This combined with social unrest, a struggling economy, the bottom falling out of so many jobs, friends and family members literally on the brink of homelessness. The emotional tank is constantly running empty. Thanks, COVID

Then there are the deaths. Too many to count. The hospitalizations and I am not talking about the 500,000 or more who perished from this virus. I am speaking about those who I know personally that affected my family personally. My last count personally was 6 deceased, 10 sick. 5 hospitalized. I close my eyes, I take a deep breath, and then. Exhale. Then sometimes, you just need to ugly cry. That visceral cry from the pit of your stomach makes you shake when it bubbles up. When you really need to purge sadness, give it sound. We all carry so much. We have all been through so much. We need to give ourselves permission to let it out. It does not make us weak; there is no shame in it. In fact, it is the bravest thing we can do for ourselves. Afterward, take a breath—a deep one. Then exhale.

The love I have for the work I do sustains me. I enjoy helping and reminding people of their purpose, rediscover talents, and taking a new step into an encore career! Nothing makes me happier. I have a great support system, and this is how I reset myself. Mindset means everything these days. How we look at things and people. The way we interpret the words they say or the actions they make can make the difference between a furrowed brow and lost sleep to empathy and understanding.

So far, so good this 2021. Promise. Hope. A Vaccine.
I look forward to what will unfold. Who knows, I may even get an actual hug before the end of the year.

#beagoodhumanbeing

Life Inspiration# 10

Inspiring people to live purpose-driven lives; This is the motto for my company.

I am a Professional Leadership Coach, writer, speaker, mentor, daughter, sister, mother, wife, and friend. I have had break downs, and I have witnessed breakthroughs. I practice what I preach and work hard to lead by example. I am an executive who has worked for large companies in highly ranked leadership positions. However, there has always been a ceiling; I could not break through, no matter how hard I tried. I know that it is still there and thrived regardless, knowing I could only go so far and would only be allowed to do just so much.

You see, I am black AND a woman. I live in the United States of America, and it is the year 2020.

I have been passed over for deserved promotions when I was the only one who met the qualifications for the position. I have endured bullying, been the butt of inside jokes. I have lived in my current city for two years and been pulled over or stopped by police four times for no purpose, and I was not breaking the law. I was not issued a citation. I was even “escorted” home so that the kind officers had proof I lived in the very neighborhood they stopped me in.

I wanted to cry. I did not. I wanted to complain. I did not. I spoke about it to friends and family, and while we all got angry, we realized, “that’s just our lots in life;” “That’s what happens;” “It is to be expected.” My behavior and reactions to these things have been conditioned and shaped.

My white relatives and friends, who are my counterparts, have never had to endure this. They have not experienced my story, my life, many of them female, none of them black.
I give, teach, train, mentor. I have worked hard my entire life, and I love people. I love my family.

How do I move forward? I will continue to inspire people to live purpose-driven lives. I will stop sweeping institutionalized and hidden racism under the rug. I will look at it, see it and confront it. I move forward by practicing authenticity.

No more willful blindness. I see it, and it’s wrong. I am black. I am a woman. I live in the United States of America, and it is the year 2020.

We are all the better than this.